DNA vs Identity Part 5 – Reflections & Revelations


It is so easy to retreat into your own mind when you learn shocking news. When I reflect upon the first 6 months of 2021, I am still shocked to see how much has changed in my world, yet so much remains the same. This thought came to the other day, “Forgiveness is a door to a healthier future.”

Emotional health drives your physical health more than what you eat or drink. We all know that stress can kill you. But I pose this question, “Does bitterness also lead to your demise?” Bitter people are angry and difficult to be around. If one feels this horrible inside, it will begin show on the outside. Having an unforgiving heart is usually what leads to bitterness. Whether the person has immense guilt or has suffered from deep trauma, forgiving yourself and others allows peace to reside within you.

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15

I could harbor anger and resentment towards my parents for so many reasons. But when I think back, it was them, both of them, who taught me about forgiveness. They weren’t even Christians at that time, yet held a high regard to the importance of letting go and forgiving. I had to ask myself how my life would be affected if I were to victimize myself by their choices? It’s likely I would be absolutely miserable. Additionally, I would be losing out on so many of the blessings that I am now experiencing.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31

They betrayed one another, details do not matter and frankly are none of MY business. I was their child, not spouse. What happened in their marriage was none of my business then. Plus, I wasn’t mature enough to understand it. Now that I know the umbrella level of their story and the pain they both caused one another, I appreciate them immensely! They tried, really tried for 17 or 18 years! 

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD cares for me.” Psalm 27:10

If they were still here, I know they would be honest with me. I forgave my dad for being honest with me when I was 13 for the actions he confessed. He spared me the details…again none of my business! I was angry. I admitted it and we discussed it. He helped me to forgive him! He took the time and emotional investment in each question I had. I forgave him and moved ahead. 

My aunt, his sister, tried to tell me things about my mom when I was 14 or 15. Perhaps she was looking to tell me the truth. I explained to her then, that information was not my business. They both loved me! Now, that was my business. After trying to work things out so many times they divorced; soon afterward my sweet mother passed away from cancer. My aunt and I had another conversation after my father passed away and I do believe she really wanted to tell me. It turns out that even she had not been forthcoming with her children either. They grew up believing that one man was their father and he was not. One of my cousins responded with awful actions and a bitter heart. The other cousin still has a wonderful relationship with her father, he chose them after all. She really loved my parents and understands so much more than anyone realizes. But I know it and her wonderful heart.

I’ll fast forward to now, I know the story which began the demise of their relationship and resulted in me. I’m at peace with both of them STILL!! I’m still processing the woman who was the catalyst to their initial split. I am doing well only because I wouldn’t be here if she had been honoring my parents marriage. My dad couldn’t and never did have a biological child.

Their actions against one another were not “personal” to me. It did not and still would not change their love for me. What happens between a married or even non-married couple is not any of the child’s business. At least not all of the details. Sometimes they know or figure it out and want confirmation.

When there is a change in who the biological parent(s) are, there would be questions obviously. I’m thankful for the knowledge I now have.

Ultimately, I witnessed them forgive one another and didn’t even realize just how much. I knew they loved one another yet could not fully heal. Why? Not my business! 

I miss both of my parents so very much!!! Yet, I’m blessed beyond belief to have found a sister regardless of the mister! That man will never know the blessings he missed out on. Just take a look at how much my grandson also resembles my biological father. I also added myself to a picture from roughly the same age as Jimmy in his photo.

Ultimately in the end, I am grateful that it all worked out the way it did. My life has been greatly enriched even though my world flipped upside down.

Abiding Still, Rachele